I am procrastinating on going to my grandma's tonight. She wants me to come over to help her bake cookies. I am skeptical. She hasn't called me all day though, so maybe she forgot? Is it bad that I hope she did? Probably. Speaking of grandparents, my grandpa loves to send out crazy email forwards. They're so ridiculous I've asked him to stop sending them to me a few times- he doesn't listen. But anyway, the other day he sent out this forward about the real reason for the season (I hate that phrase...) and lah-de-dah. I drafted a response that said "Jesus was actually, probably, born in March." I haven't sent it, and I probably won't because it would turn into a giant battle. A battle that I have come to realize is inevitable. I had to laugh because one of the characters on Bones pointed this out in last weeks episode Daisy responded to a Christmas dinner invite by saying "If it's in March, I will come to a Christmas dinner..." or something. I might just be a little disgruntled because I hate Delilah, she's a DJ on 102.1 and she's sooooo stupid and ignorant it drives me crazy and her voice! Ah. But yeah, I just... Christmas is not about Jesus for me and hasn't been...I know that I would have said he was at some point, but never REALLY was what it was about. It's about family. But, really... and what I think frustrates me the most is that the early Christian church said Jesus was born in December so friggin close to the Winter Solstice aka Candlemas or Saturnalia to help persuade "pagans" into accepting their tradition, as a means of appeasing them. Most of what I cherish, and what most people actually cherish about the holiday season can be linked to those celebrations. Not to mention the other factors. It's just....it's narrow. It's insanely narrow. Christmas isn't the only holiday that happens right now, Christianity isn't the only religion that finds this time of year to have some significance.
I can't get over the frustration either. Every year it drives me nuts. I don't know how people deny so many things.
That all being said- I am no Scrooge. No Grinch. I love this season, this holiday is only second to Halloween for me. I love decorating and the whole insanity that is Christmas preparation. I love decorating trees (we have 4!) and lights, and gifts! And all the food and cookies.
I guess I don't think that someone's birth is really as important as what they do with the time they are given (if you can place this quote, I will bake you 2 dozen cookies, cyberspace). I don't think Jesus was really born of a virgin under a massive star that people followed....and I don't think it's really important when he was born, or where, but what made Jesus important was his message and how much he responded to the Divine lure. I find it interesting that Christianity doesn't really have a holiday just for God.
In the spirit of Christmas cheer, I guess I will go to my gram's now and make her freaking cookies. And maybe help her wrap some gifts. She'll make me spend the night...and will drive me crazy; but she's family, and that's what this season is all about for me. (Friends too, but they're family anyway in my book!!!!) (I also love this season cause all of my old friends come home! But I do miss my college ones...why can't I have both?) (Isn't that always my question? I'm greedy)
Oh! And before I go, I've sketched out at least 10 paintings and written 4 new poems and the start of s short story since break started- novelty! Creativity! Yay for answering the creative, divine lure!
<3
Friday, December 18, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
I believe
For many of Alan's classes, he assigns a credo. Unfortunately for me, I have not had one of those classes yet.
I really want to write one. My lame attempt for now will be this list... A list of things I believe and a list of things I don't believe
I believe...
in: soul/self
reincarnation
karma
the golden rule
we are interconnected
the power of compassion
Light
Community is pivotal
No one religion is "correct"
free will
tikkun olam
anam cara
we are "created"
science and religion can work together
in evolution
ethics: no mind-altering substances
chastity
no lies
no adultery
no killing
respect
compassion
children are innocent
I do not believe...
in Hell
Jesus "died" for our sins
in sin/original sin
the cloud of unknowing
an interfering God
an angry punishing God
predestination
in absolutes
that God is omnipotent
I really want to write one. My lame attempt for now will be this list... A list of things I believe and a list of things I don't believe
I believe...
in: soul/self
reincarnation
karma
the golden rule
we are interconnected
the power of compassion
Light
Community is pivotal
No one religion is "correct"
free will
tikkun olam
anam cara
we are "created"
science and religion can work together
in evolution
ethics: no mind-altering substances
chastity
no lies
no adultery
no killing
respect
compassion
children are innocent
I do not believe...
in Hell
Jesus "died" for our sins
in sin/original sin
the cloud of unknowing
an interfering God
an angry punishing God
predestination
in absolutes
that God is omnipotent
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Crossan lectures
Got back from the Dom Crossan lectures a few hours ago. They were interesting. I had a hard time staying focused. I don't do well trying to listen to people for long periods of time if I don't have something to distract me. In this way, and others, my child-like nature manifests. But, he's adorable. His little wise-crack jokes and funny voices. I certainly have a renewed respect for him. And I now know more about Jesus and Paul.
At the Friday lecture, I looked through the UCC's hymnal. It was the same one they had at the Archwood UCC, which contains my new found favorite hymn- Take My Gifts. I also thought it was interesting that they changed Christmas songs. "Hark the herald angels sing, glory to the Christ-child bring," instead of "to the new born King," and the like. But, the word Lord was still used? It bothered Katelynn, she says Christmas songs are sacred and shouldn't be messed with. I see both sides. Anyway, I found some hymns I think would be appropriate for Scope to use in our service in the spring. I really hope that pans out. I kind of want to do the message, but I don't really know how to go about doing that... I have no idea what I would say.
Scope is going stories of creation this week, I remember when we did that first year! We talked about Genesis...perhaps this time incorporating a few world religions would be nice. I should probably get on that. We're also going to do a thing on religious persecution for the MLK week tunnel of oppression or whatever it's actually called. Ellen proposed the idea...I think contacting MESA (Middle Eastern Student Alliance) might be apropos. I am pretty excited for that and I am trying to cook up an idea for next semester. I kind of want to do a serious interfaith component where every other week we do a focus on a world religion, or an aspect of that, and how we can look at it from a Progressive (Pluralistic) Christian lens. I don't know if the rest of the eboard would be down, but it's an idea. Do a few events, and then LTQ every other week.
I enjoy UCC churches. But.. at the Archwood UCC last Sunday, I realized I miss the atmosphere of my old church. Take My Gifts is such an up-beat dancey hymn and everyone just stood there... In my church, they would have danced or just moved around and someone would have had a tambourine. Is there a Progressive church like that?? Haha. I still want to check out a UU service. Scope needs to go to a service! We haven't done a church visit yet this year.
Anyway.. my mom gets Body + Soul magazine and I happen to really enjoy it, along with having some great recipes, it also has helpful hints, and good ideas for taking care of yourself. At the end of this month's issue was this list
10 Thoughts on Whole Living
1. Allow yourself the chance to really savor each moment
2. Optimism isn't just a shift in perspective, it's an act of bravery
3. ONly you can decide the path worth taking
4. Don't wait for your mood to change; take action despite it
5. Approach gift shopping as an opportunity to honor the people you really love
6. Rather than search for a single miracle food, strive for a varied and delicious diet
7. You can't grow without pushing your limits
8. Stop worrying about getting sick; focus on your health instead
9. Don't believe what you hear- Life is good
10. No one (B.N.-not even God!)* knows what the future will bring. Put your energy into now.
I like it.
That's all for now..
*B.N. = Blogger's Note ;)
At the Friday lecture, I looked through the UCC's hymnal. It was the same one they had at the Archwood UCC, which contains my new found favorite hymn- Take My Gifts. I also thought it was interesting that they changed Christmas songs. "Hark the herald angels sing, glory to the Christ-child bring," instead of "to the new born King," and the like. But, the word Lord was still used? It bothered Katelynn, she says Christmas songs are sacred and shouldn't be messed with. I see both sides. Anyway, I found some hymns I think would be appropriate for Scope to use in our service in the spring. I really hope that pans out. I kind of want to do the message, but I don't really know how to go about doing that... I have no idea what I would say.
Scope is going stories of creation this week, I remember when we did that first year! We talked about Genesis...perhaps this time incorporating a few world religions would be nice. I should probably get on that. We're also going to do a thing on religious persecution for the MLK week tunnel of oppression or whatever it's actually called. Ellen proposed the idea...I think contacting MESA (Middle Eastern Student Alliance) might be apropos. I am pretty excited for that and I am trying to cook up an idea for next semester. I kind of want to do a serious interfaith component where every other week we do a focus on a world religion, or an aspect of that, and how we can look at it from a Progressive (Pluralistic) Christian lens. I don't know if the rest of the eboard would be down, but it's an idea. Do a few events, and then LTQ every other week.
I enjoy UCC churches. But.. at the Archwood UCC last Sunday, I realized I miss the atmosphere of my old church. Take My Gifts is such an up-beat dancey hymn and everyone just stood there... In my church, they would have danced or just moved around and someone would have had a tambourine. Is there a Progressive church like that?? Haha. I still want to check out a UU service. Scope needs to go to a service! We haven't done a church visit yet this year.
Anyway.. my mom gets Body + Soul magazine and I happen to really enjoy it, along with having some great recipes, it also has helpful hints, and good ideas for taking care of yourself. At the end of this month's issue was this list
10 Thoughts on Whole Living
1. Allow yourself the chance to really savor each moment
2. Optimism isn't just a shift in perspective, it's an act of bravery
3. ONly you can decide the path worth taking
4. Don't wait for your mood to change; take action despite it
5. Approach gift shopping as an opportunity to honor the people you really love
6. Rather than search for a single miracle food, strive for a varied and delicious diet
7. You can't grow without pushing your limits
8. Stop worrying about getting sick; focus on your health instead
9. Don't believe what you hear- Life is good
10. No one (B.N.-not even God!)* knows what the future will bring. Put your energy into now.
I like it.
That's all for now..
*B.N. = Blogger's Note ;)
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Headlock
So, today I did a job shadow at the Rape Crisis Center. We went to an elementary school to teach the kids about good and (ouch, uh-oh) inappropriate touching. It was awesome to be a part, however little mine was, of teaching kids how to get help. But it made my heart very sad. We also drove in the Imperial murders neighborhood, and past a service for one of the women which also laid heavy on my heart.
I left today with a feeling of recommitment to my tikkun olam life goal. The world needs help; and I am here to do my part. It is at once a simple thing, but also complex.
Whenever rape gets brought up in conversation, debate, and in general I feel such a deep seated conflict in myself.
My senior year of HS my brother, 13 at the time, was accused of rape. Because of rape laws, he was thrown in juvy- guilty before having a chance to be proven innocent. I remember the morning they came to arrest him in an unmarked car, and how my mother wailed after he was taken away- and how painful the next 4 months of my life were. It was also Good Friday. In this sense- I don't approve of the way rape laws currently stand. They need to be fixed. I don't want women, including myself, to be unprotected by any means- but if I am to believe in justice, and fairness, and equality then we cannot assume every man accused with rape is guilty. I know it functions as a check system, as a catch all- as an "in case," but my brother got four months of his life taken away and a horrible reputation in our community for no reason. Over the last 3 years, I have dealt with the resulting anger towards the girl who accused my brother, the justice system, and rape laws. We couldn't sue for damages..or court costs... and my family is out $14,000 and has had to file bankruptcy as a result of a girl lying about having sex with my brother because she was afraid of how angry her boyfriend would be at her for cheating on him. So she told them he had raped her. And just like that, my brother was guilty.
She later went on to admit to lying on stand, and also called herself a whore- on stand. In my heart of hearts, I will never forgive her for doing what she did to my family. I will never forgive her for taking away my brothers 14th birthday. That he couldn't be there with my family on Easter. I will never forgive her for giving my brother the label of "rapist." I will never forgive her for the fact that my brother feels so beaten down, and hates his life because people see him in a bad way for doing something many many 13 year olds do all the time. Do I think they should have been having sex in the first place, no? But can we strip away someone's rights to protect other's? It's a hard question to answer. I know I can't find a great solution.
Who is going to advocate for my brother? No one. And the saddest part is, he doesn't want anyone too because he is ashamed and afraid... So we stay silent.
No one should have to suffer sexual assault, and if they do, they should speak out and seek help- but I dream of a just system that catches the liars, and follows proper legal protocol.
In 18 days, right after Thanksgiving, I am going up on stand to testify against my uncle in court for domestic violence. I want him to get help. Not AA, but real help. And as I straddle the fence between being a woman against violence, someone who speaks out and calls the cops immediately- who will not be abused, and being his niece I wonder what to say. I wonder if I can forgive him.
Compassion tells me I should...Process tells me I should... Process explains why this stuff happens... but what it doesn't tell you is how bad it hurts. To have it dawn on you in the Rape Crisis Center that you are a "victim" of domestic violence... and wondering if locking it up and not talking about it because it's easier that way, (because your friends are judgmental and can't hear what you say and your family just wants to move on and enable him), is the best way. Did I really get help? Am I making too big a deal out of my brush with domestic abuse?
I have so much going on. I am being pulled in so many directions. My heart and mind can't keep up with this...
I left today with a feeling of recommitment to my tikkun olam life goal. The world needs help; and I am here to do my part. It is at once a simple thing, but also complex.
Whenever rape gets brought up in conversation, debate, and in general I feel such a deep seated conflict in myself.
My senior year of HS my brother, 13 at the time, was accused of rape. Because of rape laws, he was thrown in juvy- guilty before having a chance to be proven innocent. I remember the morning they came to arrest him in an unmarked car, and how my mother wailed after he was taken away- and how painful the next 4 months of my life were. It was also Good Friday. In this sense- I don't approve of the way rape laws currently stand. They need to be fixed. I don't want women, including myself, to be unprotected by any means- but if I am to believe in justice, and fairness, and equality then we cannot assume every man accused with rape is guilty. I know it functions as a check system, as a catch all- as an "in case," but my brother got four months of his life taken away and a horrible reputation in our community for no reason. Over the last 3 years, I have dealt with the resulting anger towards the girl who accused my brother, the justice system, and rape laws. We couldn't sue for damages..or court costs... and my family is out $14,000 and has had to file bankruptcy as a result of a girl lying about having sex with my brother because she was afraid of how angry her boyfriend would be at her for cheating on him. So she told them he had raped her. And just like that, my brother was guilty.
She later went on to admit to lying on stand, and also called herself a whore- on stand. In my heart of hearts, I will never forgive her for doing what she did to my family. I will never forgive her for taking away my brothers 14th birthday. That he couldn't be there with my family on Easter. I will never forgive her for giving my brother the label of "rapist." I will never forgive her for the fact that my brother feels so beaten down, and hates his life because people see him in a bad way for doing something many many 13 year olds do all the time. Do I think they should have been having sex in the first place, no? But can we strip away someone's rights to protect other's? It's a hard question to answer. I know I can't find a great solution.
Who is going to advocate for my brother? No one. And the saddest part is, he doesn't want anyone too because he is ashamed and afraid... So we stay silent.
No one should have to suffer sexual assault, and if they do, they should speak out and seek help- but I dream of a just system that catches the liars, and follows proper legal protocol.
In 18 days, right after Thanksgiving, I am going up on stand to testify against my uncle in court for domestic violence. I want him to get help. Not AA, but real help. And as I straddle the fence between being a woman against violence, someone who speaks out and calls the cops immediately- who will not be abused, and being his niece I wonder what to say. I wonder if I can forgive him.
Compassion tells me I should...Process tells me I should... Process explains why this stuff happens... but what it doesn't tell you is how bad it hurts. To have it dawn on you in the Rape Crisis Center that you are a "victim" of domestic violence... and wondering if locking it up and not talking about it because it's easier that way, (because your friends are judgmental and can't hear what you say and your family just wants to move on and enable him), is the best way. Did I really get help? Am I making too big a deal out of my brush with domestic abuse?
I have so much going on. I am being pulled in so many directions. My heart and mind can't keep up with this...
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Bear with me...
There are some things we never forget. Somethings we can't let go, and don't want to.
We do this for many reasons. Because we store things up to think about when we get pissed...or sad, or angry... When we want to feel bad about ourselves.... Or good things to think about when we are happy. Conversely, we can also think about the good things when we are in bad moods.
And even if we don't actively store it up... there are some things that we can't forget because they hurt us, or evoked a strong emotional response. There are little things from years and years ago that we still have right behind our eyes.
More and more everyday Process is throwing out little grappling hooks and anchoring itself down in my religious heart.
And the importance of relational existence is overwhelming.
It hits you like a ton of bricks. And then, it hit me- it makes sense because our experience = us = God = the world = the possibilities
These little memories... they a part of all of us. The hurt. The happiness. And everything that goes along with them.
Today I was thinking about how lonely I feel sometimes. Because...I do. And I remembered that a long while ago my good friend David said to me that if I was attractive, he would love to date me because I was one of the "coolest" people he knew. He meant it in a nice way... I think... but years later I remember that and it has become something that I have accepted as a truth. At that affects how I am in the world. It affects my relationships with people. And it hinders myself growth because it makes me feel limited. And it makes me doubt people, it makes me think they're lying to me when they compliment me. One of the most affect experiences I've had in the last few years is riddled with doubt because I can't believe that someone would call be beautiful... or think that in general.
I can't accept someone saying that I am beautiful because I don't feel beautiful. What I need to recognize and what many need to is that in some way we are all beautiful. In all of us there is a spark of the Divine- and if we can actualize that, then the light can grow. And we can see the good in ourselves. Or, at least that is what I am hoping. That's where I am right now.
I have so much more to say...
We do this for many reasons. Because we store things up to think about when we get pissed...or sad, or angry... When we want to feel bad about ourselves.... Or good things to think about when we are happy. Conversely, we can also think about the good things when we are in bad moods.
And even if we don't actively store it up... there are some things that we can't forget because they hurt us, or evoked a strong emotional response. There are little things from years and years ago that we still have right behind our eyes.
More and more everyday Process is throwing out little grappling hooks and anchoring itself down in my religious heart.
And the importance of relational existence is overwhelming.
It hits you like a ton of bricks. And then, it hit me- it makes sense because our experience = us = God = the world = the possibilities
These little memories... they a part of all of us. The hurt. The happiness. And everything that goes along with them.
Today I was thinking about how lonely I feel sometimes. Because...I do. And I remembered that a long while ago my good friend David said to me that if I was attractive, he would love to date me because I was one of the "coolest" people he knew. He meant it in a nice way... I think... but years later I remember that and it has become something that I have accepted as a truth. At that affects how I am in the world. It affects my relationships with people. And it hinders myself growth because it makes me feel limited. And it makes me doubt people, it makes me think they're lying to me when they compliment me. One of the most affect experiences I've had in the last few years is riddled with doubt because I can't believe that someone would call be beautiful... or think that in general.
I can't accept someone saying that I am beautiful because I don't feel beautiful. What I need to recognize and what many need to is that in some way we are all beautiful. In all of us there is a spark of the Divine- and if we can actualize that, then the light can grow. And we can see the good in ourselves. Or, at least that is what I am hoping. That's where I am right now.
I have so much more to say...
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Faith
"Faith is forged not by the mind alone but by the mind's risky, messy encounter with the world at large. Faith is not something you have, it is something you do."
Faith in God means believing absolutely in something with no proof whatsoever. Faith in humanity means believing absolutely in something with a huge amount of proof to the contrary." -Joss Whedon
Faith in God means believing absolutely in something with no proof whatsoever. Faith in humanity means believing absolutely in something with a huge amount of proof to the contrary." -Joss Whedon
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Soul
soul |sōl|
noun
1 the spiritual or immaterial part of a human being or animal, regarded as immortal.
• a person's moral or emotional nature or sense of identity : in the depths of her soul, she knew he would betray her.
• the essence of something : integrity is the soul of intellectual life.
• emotional or intellectual energy or intensity, esp. as revealed in a work of art or an artistic performance : their interpretation lacked soul.
2 a person regarded as the embodiment of a specified quality : he was the soul of discretion.
• an individual person : I'll never tell a soul.
• a person regarded with affection or pity : she's a nice old soul.
3 African-American culture or ethnic pride.
• short for soul music
It is so hard to articulate what I am thinking and feeling right now.
I am taking the Process Theology seminar for my major, and even only having had class 4 times I can honestly say that it is making big changes in my beliefs. Today we talked about soul. I don't quite know what everything means, or really understand any of it, but...I was sitting in class today and John was explaining how Process views soul. Let me try to explain...
Traditional theology views the soul as a supernatural, immortal thing- an essential core, that is US and will go off to Heaven or Hell or where ever... when we pass away... It is constant. In Process, our events make us up, and our experience forms our soul. So it isn't a core- it is all of us, every cell/atom/molecule is soul. We are constantly changing- each change brings another change, one experience adding to the many and adding and adding and adding. So, by this logic, nothing about us goes unchanged- including our soul.
It is so much more profound, and complicated, and I am not doing it justice... not even close... but today in class, while we were working this out, I realized that my mind was changing.
I have always said that I could believe in Buddhism if it lacked the concept of anatman. No self/soul. Because I have always believed in a self or a soul... and an afterlife. Not Heaven or Hell, but something. And reincarnation. But... it is true that we are always changing and that our experiences affect us. That we are not who we used to be. In fact, we are totally different people. The kid I was when I was 5 is entirely different than who I am now, as an almost 21 year old. The experiences are not wiped out, but layered and layered and layered... but, I can no longer see the logic in believing that at birth I had a core self that is still with me now. It doesn't mean we are devoid of soul; but soul is ALL of us. It changes as we change. Everything we are is soul. In Process, when we pass, our experience is absorbed into God.
I think at birth we have a spark of the Divine that helps us gather our experience and grow in life, and in soul.
So- the Golden Rule takes on new relevance. Because it is Do Unto Others Souls and as You Would Have Others Do Unto Your Soul.
In this sense...soul is not abstract. Body and soul are one, not separate entities. And, instead of being able to justify doing wrong to bodies because so long as the soul is separate- it can go to "Heaven" and salvation can be hand. Soul is incarnate in our body- therefore, Harming the body = Harming the soul.
The rest I can't explain... I am sure I will write more about this as it comes to me... Process is nuts and awesome
noun
1 the spiritual or immaterial part of a human being or animal, regarded as immortal.
• a person's moral or emotional nature or sense of identity : in the depths of her soul, she knew he would betray her.
• the essence of something : integrity is the soul of intellectual life.
• emotional or intellectual energy or intensity, esp. as revealed in a work of art or an artistic performance : their interpretation lacked soul.
2 a person regarded as the embodiment of a specified quality : he was the soul of discretion.
• an individual person : I'll never tell a soul.
• a person regarded with affection or pity : she's a nice old soul.
3 African-American culture or ethnic pride.
• short for soul music
It is so hard to articulate what I am thinking and feeling right now.
I am taking the Process Theology seminar for my major, and even only having had class 4 times I can honestly say that it is making big changes in my beliefs. Today we talked about soul. I don't quite know what everything means, or really understand any of it, but...I was sitting in class today and John was explaining how Process views soul. Let me try to explain...
Traditional theology views the soul as a supernatural, immortal thing- an essential core, that is US and will go off to Heaven or Hell or where ever... when we pass away... It is constant. In Process, our events make us up, and our experience forms our soul. So it isn't a core- it is all of us, every cell/atom/molecule is soul. We are constantly changing- each change brings another change, one experience adding to the many and adding and adding and adding. So, by this logic, nothing about us goes unchanged- including our soul.
It is so much more profound, and complicated, and I am not doing it justice... not even close... but today in class, while we were working this out, I realized that my mind was changing.
I have always said that I could believe in Buddhism if it lacked the concept of anatman. No self/soul. Because I have always believed in a self or a soul... and an afterlife. Not Heaven or Hell, but something. And reincarnation. But... it is true that we are always changing and that our experiences affect us. That we are not who we used to be. In fact, we are totally different people. The kid I was when I was 5 is entirely different than who I am now, as an almost 21 year old. The experiences are not wiped out, but layered and layered and layered... but, I can no longer see the logic in believing that at birth I had a core self that is still with me now. It doesn't mean we are devoid of soul; but soul is ALL of us. It changes as we change. Everything we are is soul. In Process, when we pass, our experience is absorbed into God.
I think at birth we have a spark of the Divine that helps us gather our experience and grow in life, and in soul.
So- the Golden Rule takes on new relevance. Because it is Do Unto Others Souls and as You Would Have Others Do Unto Your Soul.
In this sense...soul is not abstract. Body and soul are one, not separate entities. And, instead of being able to justify doing wrong to bodies because so long as the soul is separate- it can go to "Heaven" and salvation can be hand. Soul is incarnate in our body- therefore, Harming the body = Harming the soul.
The rest I can't explain... I am sure I will write more about this as it comes to me... Process is nuts and awesome
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