Bear with me...

There are some things we never forget. Somethings we can't let go, and don't want to.

We do this for many reasons. Because we store things up to think about when we get pissed...or sad, or angry... When we want to feel bad about ourselves.... Or good things to think about when we are happy. Conversely, we can also think about the good things when we are in bad moods.

And even if we don't actively store it up... there are some things that we can't forget because they hurt us, or evoked a strong emotional response. There are little things from years and years ago that we still have right behind our eyes.

More and more everyday Process is throwing out little grappling hooks and anchoring itself down in my religious heart.

And the importance of relational existence is overwhelming.

It hits you like a ton of bricks. And then, it hit me- it makes sense because our experience = us = God = the world = the possibilities

These little memories... they a part of all of us. The hurt. The happiness. And everything that goes along with them.

Today I was thinking about how lonely I feel sometimes. Because...I do. And I remembered that a long while ago my good friend David said to me that if I was attractive, he would love to date me because I was one of the "coolest" people he knew. He meant it in a nice way... I think... but years later I remember that and it has become something that I have accepted as a truth. At that affects how I am in the world. It affects my relationships with people. And it hinders myself growth because it makes me feel limited. And it makes me doubt people, it makes me think they're lying to me when they compliment me. One of the most affect experiences I've had in the last few years is riddled with doubt because I can't believe that someone would call be beautiful... or think that in general.

I can't accept someone saying that I am beautiful because I don't feel beautiful. What I need to recognize and what many need to is that in some way we are all beautiful. In all of us there is a spark of the Divine- and if we can actualize that, then the light can grow. And we can see the good in ourselves. Or, at least that is what I am hoping. That's where I am right now.

I have so much more to say...