Got back from the Dom Crossan lectures a few hours ago. They were interesting. I had a hard time staying focused. I don't do well trying to listen to people for long periods of time if I don't have something to distract me. In this way, and others, my child-like nature manifests. But, he's adorable. His little wise-crack jokes and funny voices. I certainly have a renewed respect for him. And I now know more about Jesus and Paul.
At the Friday lecture, I looked through the UCC's hymnal. It was the same one they had at the Archwood UCC, which contains my new found favorite hymn- Take My Gifts. I also thought it was interesting that they changed Christmas songs. "Hark the herald angels sing, glory to the Christ-child bring," instead of "to the new born King," and the like. But, the word Lord was still used? It bothered Katelynn, she says Christmas songs are sacred and shouldn't be messed with. I see both sides. Anyway, I found some hymns I think would be appropriate for Scope to use in our service in the spring. I really hope that pans out. I kind of want to do the message, but I don't really know how to go about doing that... I have no idea what I would say.
Scope is going stories of creation this week, I remember when we did that first year! We talked about Genesis...perhaps this time incorporating a few world religions would be nice. I should probably get on that. We're also going to do a thing on religious persecution for the MLK week tunnel of oppression or whatever it's actually called. Ellen proposed the idea...I think contacting MESA (Middle Eastern Student Alliance) might be apropos. I am pretty excited for that and I am trying to cook up an idea for next semester. I kind of want to do a serious interfaith component where every other week we do a focus on a world religion, or an aspect of that, and how we can look at it from a Progressive (Pluralistic) Christian lens. I don't know if the rest of the eboard would be down, but it's an idea. Do a few events, and then LTQ every other week.
I enjoy UCC churches. But.. at the Archwood UCC last Sunday, I realized I miss the atmosphere of my old church. Take My Gifts is such an up-beat dancey hymn and everyone just stood there... In my church, they would have danced or just moved around and someone would have had a tambourine. Is there a Progressive church like that?? Haha. I still want to check out a UU service. Scope needs to go to a service! We haven't done a church visit yet this year.
Anyway.. my mom gets Body + Soul magazine and I happen to really enjoy it, along with having some great recipes, it also has helpful hints, and good ideas for taking care of yourself. At the end of this month's issue was this list
10 Thoughts on Whole Living
1. Allow yourself the chance to really savor each moment
2. Optimism isn't just a shift in perspective, it's an act of bravery
3. ONly you can decide the path worth taking
4. Don't wait for your mood to change; take action despite it
5. Approach gift shopping as an opportunity to honor the people you really love
6. Rather than search for a single miracle food, strive for a varied and delicious diet
7. You can't grow without pushing your limits
8. Stop worrying about getting sick; focus on your health instead
9. Don't believe what you hear- Life is good
10. No one (B.N.-not even God!)* knows what the future will bring. Put your energy into now.
I like it.
That's all for now..
*B.N. = Blogger's Note ;)
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Headlock
So, today I did a job shadow at the Rape Crisis Center. We went to an elementary school to teach the kids about good and (ouch, uh-oh) inappropriate touching. It was awesome to be a part, however little mine was, of teaching kids how to get help. But it made my heart very sad. We also drove in the Imperial murders neighborhood, and past a service for one of the women which also laid heavy on my heart.
I left today with a feeling of recommitment to my tikkun olam life goal. The world needs help; and I am here to do my part. It is at once a simple thing, but also complex.
Whenever rape gets brought up in conversation, debate, and in general I feel such a deep seated conflict in myself.
My senior year of HS my brother, 13 at the time, was accused of rape. Because of rape laws, he was thrown in juvy- guilty before having a chance to be proven innocent. I remember the morning they came to arrest him in an unmarked car, and how my mother wailed after he was taken away- and how painful the next 4 months of my life were. It was also Good Friday. In this sense- I don't approve of the way rape laws currently stand. They need to be fixed. I don't want women, including myself, to be unprotected by any means- but if I am to believe in justice, and fairness, and equality then we cannot assume every man accused with rape is guilty. I know it functions as a check system, as a catch all- as an "in case," but my brother got four months of his life taken away and a horrible reputation in our community for no reason. Over the last 3 years, I have dealt with the resulting anger towards the girl who accused my brother, the justice system, and rape laws. We couldn't sue for damages..or court costs... and my family is out $14,000 and has had to file bankruptcy as a result of a girl lying about having sex with my brother because she was afraid of how angry her boyfriend would be at her for cheating on him. So she told them he had raped her. And just like that, my brother was guilty.
She later went on to admit to lying on stand, and also called herself a whore- on stand. In my heart of hearts, I will never forgive her for doing what she did to my family. I will never forgive her for taking away my brothers 14th birthday. That he couldn't be there with my family on Easter. I will never forgive her for giving my brother the label of "rapist." I will never forgive her for the fact that my brother feels so beaten down, and hates his life because people see him in a bad way for doing something many many 13 year olds do all the time. Do I think they should have been having sex in the first place, no? But can we strip away someone's rights to protect other's? It's a hard question to answer. I know I can't find a great solution.
Who is going to advocate for my brother? No one. And the saddest part is, he doesn't want anyone too because he is ashamed and afraid... So we stay silent.
No one should have to suffer sexual assault, and if they do, they should speak out and seek help- but I dream of a just system that catches the liars, and follows proper legal protocol.
In 18 days, right after Thanksgiving, I am going up on stand to testify against my uncle in court for domestic violence. I want him to get help. Not AA, but real help. And as I straddle the fence between being a woman against violence, someone who speaks out and calls the cops immediately- who will not be abused, and being his niece I wonder what to say. I wonder if I can forgive him.
Compassion tells me I should...Process tells me I should... Process explains why this stuff happens... but what it doesn't tell you is how bad it hurts. To have it dawn on you in the Rape Crisis Center that you are a "victim" of domestic violence... and wondering if locking it up and not talking about it because it's easier that way, (because your friends are judgmental and can't hear what you say and your family just wants to move on and enable him), is the best way. Did I really get help? Am I making too big a deal out of my brush with domestic abuse?
I have so much going on. I am being pulled in so many directions. My heart and mind can't keep up with this...
I left today with a feeling of recommitment to my tikkun olam life goal. The world needs help; and I am here to do my part. It is at once a simple thing, but also complex.
Whenever rape gets brought up in conversation, debate, and in general I feel such a deep seated conflict in myself.
My senior year of HS my brother, 13 at the time, was accused of rape. Because of rape laws, he was thrown in juvy- guilty before having a chance to be proven innocent. I remember the morning they came to arrest him in an unmarked car, and how my mother wailed after he was taken away- and how painful the next 4 months of my life were. It was also Good Friday. In this sense- I don't approve of the way rape laws currently stand. They need to be fixed. I don't want women, including myself, to be unprotected by any means- but if I am to believe in justice, and fairness, and equality then we cannot assume every man accused with rape is guilty. I know it functions as a check system, as a catch all- as an "in case," but my brother got four months of his life taken away and a horrible reputation in our community for no reason. Over the last 3 years, I have dealt with the resulting anger towards the girl who accused my brother, the justice system, and rape laws. We couldn't sue for damages..or court costs... and my family is out $14,000 and has had to file bankruptcy as a result of a girl lying about having sex with my brother because she was afraid of how angry her boyfriend would be at her for cheating on him. So she told them he had raped her. And just like that, my brother was guilty.
She later went on to admit to lying on stand, and also called herself a whore- on stand. In my heart of hearts, I will never forgive her for doing what she did to my family. I will never forgive her for taking away my brothers 14th birthday. That he couldn't be there with my family on Easter. I will never forgive her for giving my brother the label of "rapist." I will never forgive her for the fact that my brother feels so beaten down, and hates his life because people see him in a bad way for doing something many many 13 year olds do all the time. Do I think they should have been having sex in the first place, no? But can we strip away someone's rights to protect other's? It's a hard question to answer. I know I can't find a great solution.
Who is going to advocate for my brother? No one. And the saddest part is, he doesn't want anyone too because he is ashamed and afraid... So we stay silent.
No one should have to suffer sexual assault, and if they do, they should speak out and seek help- but I dream of a just system that catches the liars, and follows proper legal protocol.
In 18 days, right after Thanksgiving, I am going up on stand to testify against my uncle in court for domestic violence. I want him to get help. Not AA, but real help. And as I straddle the fence between being a woman against violence, someone who speaks out and calls the cops immediately- who will not be abused, and being his niece I wonder what to say. I wonder if I can forgive him.
Compassion tells me I should...Process tells me I should... Process explains why this stuff happens... but what it doesn't tell you is how bad it hurts. To have it dawn on you in the Rape Crisis Center that you are a "victim" of domestic violence... and wondering if locking it up and not talking about it because it's easier that way, (because your friends are judgmental and can't hear what you say and your family just wants to move on and enable him), is the best way. Did I really get help? Am I making too big a deal out of my brush with domestic abuse?
I have so much going on. I am being pulled in so many directions. My heart and mind can't keep up with this...
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Bear with me...
There are some things we never forget. Somethings we can't let go, and don't want to.
We do this for many reasons. Because we store things up to think about when we get pissed...or sad, or angry... When we want to feel bad about ourselves.... Or good things to think about when we are happy. Conversely, we can also think about the good things when we are in bad moods.
And even if we don't actively store it up... there are some things that we can't forget because they hurt us, or evoked a strong emotional response. There are little things from years and years ago that we still have right behind our eyes.
More and more everyday Process is throwing out little grappling hooks and anchoring itself down in my religious heart.
And the importance of relational existence is overwhelming.
It hits you like a ton of bricks. And then, it hit me- it makes sense because our experience = us = God = the world = the possibilities
These little memories... they a part of all of us. The hurt. The happiness. And everything that goes along with them.
Today I was thinking about how lonely I feel sometimes. Because...I do. And I remembered that a long while ago my good friend David said to me that if I was attractive, he would love to date me because I was one of the "coolest" people he knew. He meant it in a nice way... I think... but years later I remember that and it has become something that I have accepted as a truth. At that affects how I am in the world. It affects my relationships with people. And it hinders myself growth because it makes me feel limited. And it makes me doubt people, it makes me think they're lying to me when they compliment me. One of the most affect experiences I've had in the last few years is riddled with doubt because I can't believe that someone would call be beautiful... or think that in general.
I can't accept someone saying that I am beautiful because I don't feel beautiful. What I need to recognize and what many need to is that in some way we are all beautiful. In all of us there is a spark of the Divine- and if we can actualize that, then the light can grow. And we can see the good in ourselves. Or, at least that is what I am hoping. That's where I am right now.
I have so much more to say...
We do this for many reasons. Because we store things up to think about when we get pissed...or sad, or angry... When we want to feel bad about ourselves.... Or good things to think about when we are happy. Conversely, we can also think about the good things when we are in bad moods.
And even if we don't actively store it up... there are some things that we can't forget because they hurt us, or evoked a strong emotional response. There are little things from years and years ago that we still have right behind our eyes.
More and more everyday Process is throwing out little grappling hooks and anchoring itself down in my religious heart.
And the importance of relational existence is overwhelming.
It hits you like a ton of bricks. And then, it hit me- it makes sense because our experience = us = God = the world = the possibilities
These little memories... they a part of all of us. The hurt. The happiness. And everything that goes along with them.
Today I was thinking about how lonely I feel sometimes. Because...I do. And I remembered that a long while ago my good friend David said to me that if I was attractive, he would love to date me because I was one of the "coolest" people he knew. He meant it in a nice way... I think... but years later I remember that and it has become something that I have accepted as a truth. At that affects how I am in the world. It affects my relationships with people. And it hinders myself growth because it makes me feel limited. And it makes me doubt people, it makes me think they're lying to me when they compliment me. One of the most affect experiences I've had in the last few years is riddled with doubt because I can't believe that someone would call be beautiful... or think that in general.
I can't accept someone saying that I am beautiful because I don't feel beautiful. What I need to recognize and what many need to is that in some way we are all beautiful. In all of us there is a spark of the Divine- and if we can actualize that, then the light can grow. And we can see the good in ourselves. Or, at least that is what I am hoping. That's where I am right now.
I have so much more to say...
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