Sometimes, it gets to me...

This has been awhile in the making/brewing...

There are a few things I want to write about religion...
1. Addressing the "issues" people in my life have with religion
2. Why I am a religion major
3. What I want to do with it/my life- ie: my calling

1

It might seem silly, but sometimes I take for granted what I have learned in college. And how I have changed. How my mind has been opened a little more, and how my opinions and feelings towards religion have changed. Because they have. I guess it is silly of me, naive even, of me to assume that this has happened for the other people in my life. The people are negative towards anything religious in nature.

I wish they could see the beauty. The meaning.

I wish they would not be so hypocritical- Do not go around pretending to be some open minded, liberal person and then turn around an attack an entire community. Do not do this because your assumptions are based on a limited knowledge ( Mine is too ) and, to get to the point, the fundamental/evangelical Christianity isn't the only kind out there...Also, do not insult people who do believe in that kind of Christianity, or in religion at large, don't you dare insult their intelligence to me... Because you aren't only insulting them, you are insulting me as well.

Being a believer does not make you dumb. It does not negate your intelligence. Liberal, conservative...and anywhere in the middle. Some of the most intelligent people I know are believers. My friends are believers and chances are, you know people who are religious and smart as well. So do not....do not even go there, let alone jump down my throat, about this. It is ignorance. And it might seem contradictory for me to talk about tolerance, and seem intolerant at the same turn- but ignorance is hard for me to tolerate, and as far as I am concerned it should me. My ignorance and the ignorance of others.

That being said- being an atheist doesn't make you intelligent either. No matter which way you believe, it is not a marker of intelligence. So, do not make those assumptions. Well, you can make them, but just don't voice them to me.

If your natural reaction is to bash anyone Christian, or bash religion in general, I suggest you work on that.... Immediately. Not only will it be good for your inner workings, but somewhere down the line, if not already, you are going to have to make nice with someone you don't agree with- and trust me, even if you don't voice this immediate reaction, it plays out in your body language and face.

Considering all of that- I am working on my own negative feelings towards certain aspects of religion. Growing up a very Christian person, I am trying to get past my own personal problems, and the things that have made me mad, caused me anguish and pain so that I can see things through a new lens.

2

Well, simply, religion is what I am interested in. Having tried on 3 other majors in 2 years, religion feels the best. Broadcasting was a weak idea to begin with, and while PR is nice, I need something more. I can't seem to find any reason to remain a part of the English department as most of my interactions with them have left a very very bad taste in my mouth. Though, I am not just a religion major by default either.

When I got involved in Scope, and the department, I felt at home. Things just clicked. I picked up a minor my 2nd semester, and declared my major this January. Aside from this lackluster semester, I have been happy with my choice.

People.... my family... well, my family that knows that I am a religion major anyways, (ie- I haven't told my grandparents what my major actually is, because it would turn into a very drastic, UGLY conversation, as my theology VASTLY differs from my grandpas), can't seem to understand why I am a religion major....because I am not strictly religious.

I don't adhere to one path, and I don't think that there is any one truth- but many versions of the truth. That being said I do have faith- and I pull the aspects of that from many different paths/religions. In a quest to figure it all out- by being a religion major, I will learn more and engage a subject that is meaningful... something that is not empty and that is about something MORE.. Vastly more important than saving a reputation, and making tons of money, because that's not what counts. At all.

3

My calling- the word calling is a little tricky, as it can easily lead to the question Called by whom? and, my answer isn't god, but... a feeling that there is something I am supposed to do. Some work I am supposed to be doing... and, I think that work is interfaith work. Bringing understanding to people of different faiths so this world can be a little more peaceful.

Tikkun Olam- repair the world.
That is my calling.
My goal.
And however I do that- Peace Corps, Interfaith ministry, etc is what I need to be doing

Give me your hand.

God speaks to each of us as he makes us,
Then walks with us silently out of the night.

These are the words we dimly hear;

You, sent out beyond your recall,
Got to the limits of your longing.
Embody me.

Flare up like flame.
And make big shadows I can move in.

Let everything happen to you; beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Don't let yourself lose me.

Nearby is the country they call life.
You will know it by its seriousness.

Give me your hand.

-Rainer Maria Rilke

Every single time I read this- I cry. It is beautiful. And perhaps that's how it is.

It is settling with me that I do believe in a "god"- and for someone who has not been able to claim that for almost 10 years. But, what I like about it now is that it's not easy- it is difficult, and confusing...and hardly make sense when I have it figured out...and the best parts are the ones I have no idea about yet anyway. It isn't some lump-package, processed idea someone handed me and said "There you go." whilst patting me on the head.

The difference, from now and then, and what has enable me to believe, is between deism and theism.

deism |ˈdēizəm|
noun
belief in the existence of a supreme being, specifically of a creator who does not intervene in the universe. The term is used chiefly of an intellectual movement of the 17th and 18th centuries that accepted the existence of a creator on the basis of reason but rejected belief in a supernatural deity who interacts with humankind. Compare with theism .

theism |ˈθēˌizəm|
noun
belief in the existence of a god or gods, esp. belief in one god as creator of the universe, intervening in it and sustaining a personal relation to his creatures. Compare with deism .


I am a deist.

"I'm not an atheist and I don't think I can call myself a pantheist. We are in the position of a little child entering a huge library filled with books in many different languages. The child knows someone must have written those books. It does not know how. The child dimly suspects a mysterious order in the arrangement of the books but doesn't know what it is. That, it seems to me, is the attitude of even the most intelligent human being toward God. We see a universe marvelously arranged and obeying certain laws, but only dimly understand these laws. Our limited minds cannot grasp the mysterious force that moves the constellations. I am fascinated by Spinoza's pantheism, but admire even more his contributions to modern thought because he is the first philosopher to deal with the soul and the body as one, not two separate things." -Albert Einstein

For me, this is one of the most important points- because, when you lose faith, and when you pray and pray and pray for things that never happen, you start to get angry, disgruntled, and a little jaded towards this big guy in the sky who is supposed to be up there, twitting around, waiting for someone to slap their little hands together bow their head and ask for something. Sure, sure maybe we're not supposed to be praying for somethings.. but if you supersede that with the possibility that god doesn't control every tiny thing that happens...it clears up a lot.

For example... my little cousin Kyle had leukemia. I think he is 3 now. He's losing the battle for his life. The chemo didn't work this time and he's not in remission. And my family keeps saying- pray pray pray to God for a miracle. I keep thinking no- don't. Because that's not how it works. And if the chemo doesn't work, and we lose that little sweetheart, they will be so angry at God. But God was never going to do anything. Not mine anyways.

Something created us. A higher something. And once he/she/it did, they peaced out to go do whatever higher powers do. This work, with all its complexities, works far to perfectly to have just happened randomly.

What I think is this... the higher power was the source of the energy for the Big Bang, and from the Big Bang, the designs for the life that inhabits this planet were planned... a seed planted and left to grow. To evolve into what we know now.

I took way more than 7 days. But, if you're the supreme being, you've got time and patience.

And... really, thinking about it, how sad would you be if you were "god"? To see how things are now...

Not to say they are all bad. There are rays of light. Because free will exists.

So much more to say, but I need to sleep.

A brief glimpse...

A brief glimpse into why I haven't told my grandfather that I'm not a Christian (or that I am a religion major);

My mom was flipping through a catalogue of yard-decor shit. Yard-decor-shit that includes many different Buddha statues. My mom says "OH! A smiling Buddha! I never see those"

I reply, "Really? He's everywhere. Maitreya, the happy, Future Buddha..."

My grandpa intercedes, and he says "The Buddha...What does he matter? He's not here. He's not real..."

"Quite right, the Buddha is dead....just like Jesus" was my reply.